“Off he went leaving behind a messy room, and as the dust begins to settle, so do new and unfamiliar feelings of sadness, estrangement, confusion and disorientation.” Although more common in women, these feelings are frequently experienced by both parents, when their children leave home. Launching a child into the world is simultaneously an exciting and anxiety provoking phase in the development of families. The pride and joy of seeing one’s son or daughter separate and evolve are mixed with a gradual realization of one’s aging process and the recognition of one’s mortality, change in one’s identity as a parent, and shifts in relationship with one’s spouse. For many parents, a child’s exit from the home is anticipated with dread, and frequently presents a personal and familial challenge. Here are some ideas and suggestions on how to cope with this trying stage in the life of parents and families: Acknowledge the losses inherent in this natural yet painful phase: Change in your role as a parent, loss of your child’s companionship and support within the home, physical changes in your body and appearance, approaching old age and even the inevitability of death. Allow the experience of sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety, confusion and disorientation. Express them, and trust that they will subside over time. Share your feelings with your spouse, and with other parents.
Develop new ways of connecting with your child—write letters, send e-mails, text messages, and mail packages. Accept that his or her needs for parenting are changing, and learn to relate to him or her as young adults. Your child still needs you, yet in new and different ways than he or she needed you in the past. Reevaluate your personal expectations, dreams, and wishes. Now may be the time to do, learn, explore, and develop interests, hobbies, and careers you delayed, put on hold, and did not find the time, means and energy for while your children were still at home.
Reinvest effort, time and energy in your spousal relationship. Both you and your spouse changed and grew over the years. Newly found privacy and space for the couple can create an opportunity for getting reacquainted, rekindling romance and growing closer. Spend time together, travel, and plan for a joint future.
Most importantly, be patient. Getting adjusted to your empty nest takes time. Acknowledge and grieve the losses inherent in it. Look forward to the opportunities, growth and renewal that will eventually emerge from it.
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